10 Reasons To Elope
I planned my Australian May wedding from the other side of the world, mostly via email, to happen in a church I’d hardly visited and a hotel with an exorbitant price-tag.
Don’t get me wrong, there were so many special things about my wedding day: the weather was beautiful, getting to show Luke’s family a taste of my country and culture was unforgettable, my dress was perfect, we bush-danced at my reception; so many special things.
However, if I were to do it over again - I would 100% elope. Or more precisely, chose an intimate wedding. I would follow the global trend (elopements are on a MASSIVE rise!) and choose the intimate and the adventurous.
Following our wedding, Luke and I took a two week honeymoon to New Zealand. We hired a van with a mattress in the back, and that was our accommodation. We had half a plan, and nowhere booked and it was the best. The actual best. We hiked mountains and glaciers, drank phenomenal coffee, posed under waterfalls, walked along beaches and stopped wherever we wanted. It was a dream. It was also a taste of what our wedding could have been. Here’s why.
What is an elopement?
Gone are the days where eloping was an embarrassing, last-minute cheap fix to an unwanted wedding, and in are the glorious, beautiful treasure days where elopements are an intentional choice to ditch the parade and pressure and simply and intentionally focus on the two of you.
Put simply: it is a wedding with less people, in a place of personal meaning.
Why elope? Here are my top 10 reasons:
You pick the people.
Elopements give you the total freedom to choose who you want at one of the most sacred and important moments of your life. This could be just the two of you, or just your closest family and/or friends.
Eloping frees you from the obligation of inviting (and paying for) very distant relatives, your mothers work colleagues, your estranged cousins, your old friends brand new boyfriend etc. It removes any tricky family dynamics (aka: stress and anxiety) and allows you to focus on the two of you, your love, and who you actually want to be there.
Unlike traditional weddings - where couples often hop quickly from one table to another, waving greetings and saying thankyous - you can actually invest time and conversation into every single person at your wedding.
Put simply, eloping = quality time.
You can be with the people you love, and not just see them in passing or in hurried conversation.
2. You pick the place
Obviously you can always pick the place for your wedding, but eloping gives you zero boundaries for where that place can be.
Whether you want a tiny backyard celebration on the lawn of your childhood, or you want to explore the mountain peaks of rural Alaskas National Parks, you get to choose a place that truly means something and excites your souls.
You get to ask and answer the question: where IN THE WHOLE WORLD do we want to get married? That is so fun!
3. You are the focus
Planning a wedding is a lot of things.
It can be beautiful and fun, but it can also be tremendously stressful. You “have to” think about a hundred thousand different things, including save the dates, flower girl headbands, party favors, seating charts, RSVP’s, venue deposits, the weather, a gift registry, hashtags, hotel reservations, cake cutting utensils etc, etc, etc.
Too often, what started as a celebration of two people and their love snowballs very quickly into color schemes, floral disasters, discussions about tablecloths, and an endless list of to-dos.
One gigantic reason to choose an elopement is to peel all that other stuff away and simply pair it down to where it started, and where it should remain. You two, and your life together.
It narrows your focus to what is truly important: this commitment, the people you are, and the life you want to build together. It becomes less about throwing a parade, and more about the two of you.
You become the focus of your wedding. Fancy that.
4. You make the rules
With the focus on the two of you, here’s the beautiful part: you get to do whatever you want.
Whatever you want! Aside from the actual legally-getting- married side of things, you can do whatever feels most authentic, real and life-giving to the two of you.
You can go sky-diving, or you can sleep in until 1pm. You can go on a three day hike to a place you’ve never been before, or you can celebrate over a mac-and-cheese pizza. You can play board games with your closest family, or you can swim in the ocean in your bridal clothes, with your dog. It’s up to you.
You don’t have to force yourself to do anything just because it’s the way it’s “supposed to be done”. If you don’t like big crowds, rowdy receptions or cake (like me!), you don’t have to do it. For some people this is a major revelation: you can craft a wedding day that is actually extraordinarily fun for you.
YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. Whatever you want!
You can truly have the best day ever, crafted by the two of you, in celebration of the two of you. You get to blow up the box of tradition and make it whatever you want. What a gift.
5. You align the two I’s: Intimacy and Intention
All of the above reasons result in two beautiful realities: intimacy and intention.
You get to set the tone of your lives together: by building a life of purpose, on purpose. By honoring, serving and seeing the other person for who they are.
Eloping also allows you alone time on your wedding day; which is actually a rare luxury in big, traditional weddings. You have total freedom to be yourself, and express your emotions however you want to. There is no reason to be embarrassed or put on a brave face. Eloping allows you to be fully present on your wedding day.
6. The money ..
The average wedding in North America costs around $33,900 and produces 400 pounds of trash. This money is spent on dresses, cakes, hall and car rentals, party favors, bubbles, napkins, vendors, centerpieces and a thousand other little things.
That is a lot of money.
To me, one of the most beautiful things about eloping is the intentional reallocation of that money.
If the two of you were given $33,900 and were told you could do whatever you wanted with it, what would you do?
I, personally, would trade that one-day wedding for a 6-12 month globe-trotting adventure with my brand new husband. I would extend what was our incredible New Zealand honeymoon; and take it all over the planet.
Eloping allows you to celebrate and inaugurate your marriage while spending money on things that are actually important to you, and that last beyond your day. It is not necessarily about investing less, so much as investing better, and with more intention.
Another amazing gift!
7. The hurry!
Hurry is a tremendous thief of joy, and unfortunately most big, traditional wedding days are hurried. With more people you have more moving parts, and it’s just the nature of the beast. Traditional weddings require the day to be scheduled out, usually hour by hour with an early morning start and a late night finish. It fosters hurry, which produces stress with little wiggle room to slow down or center yourself.
This is not the case with elopements. Less people is more freedom. Freedom to leave margin. Freedom to take your time. Freedom to relax. To be fully in love and engrossed in your person.
Freedom from hurry.
8. The photos.
When you pair down the people, plan a day with intention and get married in a meaningful (and beautiful!) place: all while being unhurried, relaxed and free - the photos will of course be phenomenal.
How can they not be when you have all the time in the day and nothing to focus on aside from the two of you?
This kind of a wedding day will produce a real, raw joy that will come across on camera.
There is so much more margin to take not only more photos, but more creative photos as the absence of stress is contagious.
Plus there is the added bonus freedom of getting married in some of the the world’s most beautiful places.
9. Experiences over possessions
Eloping is a really great choice for the people who love to travel and adventure, and/or desire to have a green/ sustainable wedding. It is for people who value experiences, adventures and the outdoors over things and stuff.
It is a recipe for the best memories; the truest things that last.
10. Less stress
I have witnessed a lot of weddings. I've been a bride, a bridesmaid, a guest and a photographer many, many times and I have seen for myself a huge range of wedding day stress.
Some brides are full of joy and happy tears, and others are cranky, snappy and stressed up the wazoo.
Planning a big, traditional wedding is essentially planning a very expensive event for (often) several hundred people. It’s super stressful, and for most couples, it’s the first time they have ever had to plan such a huge and complex event. They don’t know what they’re doing, or often why they’re doing it, and it quickly becomes a lot.
Here, again, is the beauty of eloping: less stress. Remember, you get to make the rules, pick the people, choose the place and focus on what’s important.
You can have a wedding day that you love and look forward to.
You can have a wedding day that’s the best day ever.
Elopements give you the power and freedom to plan a wedding that is uniquely yours. They are a way to combine the things you love, with the people you love, in the place(s) you love or want to explore. Nothing forced. Nothing staged.
A day that is focused more on the two of you than planning a performance for others. A ceremony that is intimate and meaningful. An experience that is a true reflection of your relationship, your personalities and the things that you love.
Choosing to elope is a wild and incredible choice and I’m here to walk it with you!